Gluttons for Rewards

Is there any real surprise that we have a problem with obesity in this country? Not only are we encouraged to overeat (and eat a bunch of packaged crap) with every trip to a restaurant or grocery store, but stuffing your innards beyond anything the human body ever was designed for is a full-blown spectator sport.

In the latest “competitive eating contest,” held this past weekend, Joey Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, Calif, swallowed 103 small hamburgers in 8 minutes to take home $10,000 in cash. He surpassed the previous record of 97 Krystal burgers — grilled 2.5-inch square patties (see clip below) — formerly held by Japan's Takeru Kobayashi.

"We never thought we'd see someone anywhere near, let alone past, the century mark when we started the Krystal Square Off in 2004," said Brad Wahl, Krystal Co. VP.

Even harder to believe is the fact that people actually filled up bleachers to watch someone gorge themselves, as did TV crews from ESPN.

Now, we know pie eating contests at the country fair are a long strand of the American fabric. But there is a huge difference between a local mayor or high school football player eating a few pies to raise money for charity and a professional circuit on which "athletes" shake and sweat to essentially do nothing more than work up the largest turds known to man.

Don’t get us wrong, we love fun and games, but outright gluttony should not be a career move. What’s next, contests to see who can sloth around a couch for the longest time … extra points for the biggest dent in the cushion?

It all reeks of the barf-orium parties of ancient Rome. And we know what happened to the great Roman Empire.